How do I tell if he's actually separated vs. still married? Red flags I learned
After 3 years of dating, I finally figured out the patterns that separate someone who is genuinely separated from someone who is using that as an excuse to date while still married.
1. He can't do anything on weekends Real separation means separate lives. If he's only available Monday-Friday from 6-9pm, that's not separated — that's a husband with a family schedule.
2. His phone is always face down People with nothing to hide, hide nothing. If he jumps when his phone rings, covers the screen, or has an unexplained lock pattern he changed after you met him — trust your gut.
3. He doesn't exist online No Facebook with family photos, private Instagram, "I don't do social media" — these are HIDING tactics.
4. You've never been to his place After 2+ months? Red flag. A separated person has an apartment or somewhere they live. If he always comes to yours, ask why.
5. His kids have never met you This one is nuanced — but after 6+ months, if he keeps you completely separate from his kids with no plan to introduce you, he may be keeping two families.
3 Replies
Point #1 hit me so hard. I was dating someone for 8 months who claimed to be separated and couldn't see me on ANY weekend. I finally accepted it for what it was. Thank you for writing this out.
The phone thing is so real. My ex would literally take his phone to the bathroom every single time. No normal person does that unless they're hiding something.
I'd add #6: His address doesn't match what he tells you. If you Google his name + city, his wife's name still comes up at the same address. It takes 5 minutes and can save you months of heartbreak.
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